Melanie Barber - July '08 - Returning me to who I am

Where I Am Today...8 Months Post-Race

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Two years ago, I had just had the conversation with God where He told me He wanted me to go around the world loving on people.

One year ago, I was in Mozambique, struggling with fear and insecurity about the new person He was showing me to be... I was encouraged to celebrate the new life that I had been given in Him, but it somehow did not seem like a celebration to me as I was vulnerable and exposed.

And today, all I can do at times is sit and weep over the Father's love for me...for it is time for a celebration...a celebration that no matter what I have done, no matter what I have said, no matter how many times I turned my back on Him, no matter how many times I hurled insults His way, no matter how many times I gave up on myself, He never did.

He never left me...

As I sat and pleaded for Him to just let me go, He loved me.

As I sat and pleaded for Him to just give up on me, He wouldn't. He just loved me.

For 30 years I never believed His unconditional was for me...for me...for Melanie Joy...

And over the last eight months as I was trying to convince Him that He didn't really love me and giving Him all kinds of reasons not to...He came in and invaded my space...He came in and captured my heart...while I was running from Him, He brought me into His loving embrace.

While I was trying to give my heart away, He came in and showed me that it was not about what I did or did not do for Him...He just wanted me to know who and Whose I am...

And to know that I am loved...I am loved...not for anything I have done...but for simply who I am...and that is enough...

He is enough. His love is enough.

I still don't really get Him...and I won't till I get to sit with Him...to be honest, I think He is ridiculous...He uses pain to heal, doesn't shy away from suffering and sorrow, and will make us as uncomfortable as we need to get till we are so desperate for Him that if we don't choose Him, we will surely "die" from living out of the flesh...

I thought He took me around the world to show me what He wanted me to do for Him...

When all He wanted me to understand was that His love for me is not conditional...

He loves me for who I am...

He loves me, Melanie Joy...

And all that He wants me to do is to receive His love and to love others in return.

It is that simple.

So this is what I shall tell the world...

I will share my story...and begin with the most amazing Truth...

Jesus loves me, Melanie Joy Barber!!

One Week to Stateside

Wed, 13 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

If I didn't know better, I would think the last 11 months have been a dream...

Even after 10 months, I still find myself asking the pertinent question of "where am I?" and "what am I doing?"

It has been an amazing year of life, death, hope, love and a re-birth of dreams long squelched...more on that later...

I just wanted to give you an update...This last month of ministry, I was in two locations in Moldova. Today was our last day of ministry in Cahul, Moldova...we head to Kiev, Ukraine tomorrow evening for our final debrief. We hit American soil on May 20, but I won't get to Ohio till the 21st.

Thank you again for all your support and prayers as I have traveled the world. I will bring more stories soon about my last month of ministry.

Viile Tecii, Romania

Fri, 8 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

During April in Romania, we worked with a local missionary, John who is married to a Gypsie woman, Tootsie (to the right). We ministered to the Gypsie's by doing evangelism, yard work for the elderly, visiting the sick and doing children's programs.

This is Katie. We visited her in a neighboring village...we laughed and talked with her for a few hours. She and her husband fed us this amazing walnut cake, after filling our purses with walnuts the day before!!!

This is Jenny, who is a Christian woman who is homebound due to her health. We visited her and were able to provide some food for herself and her family.

The following are some of the children that participated in our children's programs:

This little boy is the youngest of 5, with an absent mother and an alcoholic father.

This is my friend, Maria, who sat on this bench everyday, which is right outside her house. As I sat down with her on our last day, she handed me the larger piece of cake that she was holding and refused to let me give it back to her. She lives alone in Viile Tecii, which is the village where we stayed.

Our last prayer together before we left.

Krystle, myself and John having a little fun at the market...

Too much muscle, apparently!! haha They still work up some of their fields by hand here...

To My Knees - Part 2

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I have often heard people talk about God bringing people to the end of themselves. I thought I had actually experienced it a time or two, but I don't think I had a clue...

Last week in the midst of conflict, my squad leader asked me,

"How close to empty are you?"

And in that moment, I knew that I was still attempting to rely on my own strength. Still attempting to hang on to my pride. Still attempting to minister, love and serve out of my own reserves, which was dwindling with each breath I took.

And it wasn't until I finally laid my pride on His altar, acknowledging that I am nothing without Him, that He began to fill me.

"My old self has been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God,

who loves me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Throughout this process of my death and resurrection, God brought me to my knees as I experienced my deepest fears realized in my life...failure, weakness and rejection.

In bringing my old self to its death, He has given me new life.

I can recount story upon story of the tragedies and joys of this world that result in both physical and spiritual life and death.

But at the end of the day, these are the Truths that keep me pursuing my Jesus:

He is good.

And He loves me.

And that is enough for me. He is enough for me.

I may have taken a long path to get these Truths to sink into my being, but they are permanently cemented into my heart...for I serve a Lord who loves me with a passionate, intimate love...He just wanted me to acknowledge that He is my everything and that I am nothing without Him.

"...What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation." Galatians 6:15b

All glory to my Lord who has blessed me with this new creation.

By the way, I am thoroughly enjoying our ministry here in Romania...I got to play in the dirt for hours...don't worry, Grandma, I haven't forgotten how to do manual labor!! More details to come...

To My Knees

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Walking into Africa, I did not know what to expect...but I obviously had expectations as usual because it sure was NOT what I expected.

In Mozambique, the Lord revealed the fear and anxiety that has plagued me for years, exposing it in order to free me from it.

Then in Malawi, the Lord provided me the opportunity to put feet to my faith in Him and to walk into the freedom His love grants us. He spoke through me to bring freedom to the captives. He afforded me the opportunity to laugh in the face of my giants as I proclaimed His Truth about my fears.

"...perfect love casts out all fear..." 1 John 4:18

And He finally convinced me that He has created me to counsel and to teach, which was apparently obvious to most except me.

"...Teach and counsel each other with the wisdom he gives..." Colossians 3:16

You would think that a degree in counseling would convince me, but I continued to fight it until He brought my team face to face with a married couple in Malawi that were in need of marriage counseling. And as my team began to look to me, I inwardly screamed, "I can't do this! What the heck are you thinking bringing me here to do this, Lord!? I have no idea what I'm doing!" To which He responded with, "That is precisely why I brought you here...so that you will forfeit your belief that you can live without me. You can't do this on your own. You need me. You need me..."

I still thought I could live without Him. If you remember way back at the beginning of this journey, I wrote a blog about Him not being enough for me...and I realize that I was still trying to be enough for me. Trying to do it on my own, relying on my own strength to minister, to love and to serve.

And then He brought me to a new level of surrender.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Malawi: A Land and People of Beauty

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Greetings from Zomba, Malawi!

A place where:

*sugar, potatoes, electric, and a cold drink are luxuries

*the women carry everything - a baby on the back, bucket of water on the head, and a bundle of wood in the arms

*going to church could mean a 1 1/2 hour walk one way - down and then up the mountain

*household members include multiple children that are not yours (the Chairman of the church we work with has 4 children of his own and cares for 15 nieces and nephews whose parents are dead)

*your daily food is sima, which is a mixture of corn flower and water

*God's provision is literally your daily bread

*the pastor receives a gift each week of food from one area of his church...he receives no salary...this past week, Pastor was blessed with sugar and beans

We have been so blessed by Pastor Gama and his wife Rose. They are true servants of the Lord, working day and night serving their church, family and community. Rose's service to us has been humbling to say the least. She cooks us two meals a day, refuses to let us do our own laundry, and loves us with Jesus' love like I have never seen. I have learned so much about serving by her humble spirit, as I find myself constantly grumbling or complaining about what I have done. Just yesterday as we were walking to our prayer meeting, I found myself complaining in my head about the water bottle, umbrella and Bible I was carrying. And then I noticed a woman coming toward me carrying bundle of sugar cane on her head, a baby on her back, and a bucket of produce in one hand...

I have so much to learn about being a servant...and I am so blessed and humbled by our hosts. They completely rearranged their house to accomodate us and do everything they can to make us comfortable...yet their service to us makes me uncomfortable as I realize how little I serve and how it is often with a negative attitude. But thankfully God is revealing the things in my heart that He doesn't like and molding me into His image!

The Lord is also teaching me about trusting Him and becoming dependent upon Him, just as Pastor and Rose daily depend on Him for their daily bread. For the past four months, the Lord has provided the money I need to pay my bill back home. Yet again as I was just looking at the balance in my account, I recognized that once again, I have to rely on Him for next month. And He has been faithful, so please continue praying for the funds to be provided. It is a test of faith for me, and I am so thankful for His provision this year. I am amazed each month how He continually provides all that I need!!

Mozambique to Malawi

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Just a quick update regarding our time in Africa...hopefully later I will have more internet time to provide more stories, but here is what we have been up to!!

After our work in Mozambique last month, we had our debrief with our coaches near Krueger National Park, where we were able to take a day safari!! Of the Big 5, we were able to see 4 - elephants, water buffalo, hippos, lion. It was quite exciting!! We also saw giraffes, impalas, and lots of other animals.

After Krueger, we went to Swaziland to help out with a short term missions trip that AIM had coming, which was January 30 - February 3.

My team along with another team and a few others then traveled to Malawi where we are currently ministering with an amazing pastor and his wife...

But first I must say a few things about our travel here...we were to travel from Swaziland on the 3rd, leave on a bus from Johannesburg, South Africa on the 4th and arrive in Malawi on the 5th.

After some unexpected circumstances and lots of hurdles, we finally determined that God was seeing how much we had learned over the last seven months...we ended up arriving in Malawi to our final destination at 9:30PM on the 7th!! And a few of my team and the others had their packs damaged with diesel fuel due to us having to transport fuel for travel through Zimbabwe. Thankfully mine was fine, but please be praying for the four or five that had some serious damage to their packs and gear.

Praise God we are here in Malawi!! We had our first day of ministry yesterday, and God showed up like He always does. We arrived at the house of a man who is a leader in the church, which my teammate had prayed for during church on Sunday. We learned that he and his wife were having some difficulties in their marriage. As we arrived at their house yesterday, our Pastor said that we would be doing marriage counseling. For five single girls, that can be a rather intimidating statement, especially when we really dont know what is going on...but then some of my teammates had the audacity to tell Pastor that I am a counselor! And I confess I was sitting there sending not-so-nice looks to my teammates for pointing at me because I had no idea what to say or do...and then I heard the Lord say, you are right! You cant do this on your own. That is why I brought you here and into situations like this because you have to rely on me!! And He began speaking to me about what He wanted to speak to them. As I was sitting there after speaking, I realized that this is another example of the church...coming around our brothers and sisters who are having difficulties, encouraging them, praying with them, listening to them, and just loving them. It was a beautiful moment for me to see how the Lord spoke Truth to them. Please be praying with us for the continued restoration of their relationship.

Thank you again for all your support and prayers!! I know that I havent written much lately, but know that I never go a day without a reminder of all the people praying for me and all the people supporting me in every way!! I am so blessed and thankful for everyone, so thank you!!

Next month, we will be back in Swaziland working at Carepoints, which are places where local children/orphans come to eat and have a safe place to spend their days. There is a story of one four year old girl who travels 4 miles one way to her Carepoint every day just to receive food. Please be praying for these children and for the grandmothers, Go-Gos who care for the children.

Blessings from Zomba, Malawi!

Support Brian and Stacy!

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Support Brian and Stacy here!

Africa Update

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

My team was working in the "bush" of Mozambique this past month...

It was delightful!! We were tenting on a farm, with geese and ducks that would sometimes wake you up in the middle of the night with their squawking!! It was perfect...no electricity to distract us, an amazing cook that fed me beef three times in one day, sharing Jesus' story with churches that don't quite understand the Gospel, and loving people who are beautiful!! What more could you ask for!??? I loved this month because it was a life of simplicity and serenity out in the middle of nowhere with few distractions!!

The Lord really challenged me this month, breaking off a lot of fear and anxiety about the situations that I know I am unable to handle on my own...more about all this later as we have limited internet!

For all of you who have emailed me and sent me beautiful words about all your prayers, THANK YOU!! This month I could not have done it without you...the enemy was fighting mercilessly, but God is BIGGER!! So thanks for your prayers, and please know that I will try to reply to your emails as soon as I can.

I love you all and am so thankful for your support and prayers!!

And I must finish with a brief description of January 17...we traveled to the beach on a flatbed truck to a secluded beach that was beatufiul and breath-taking, had a steak and potatoes dinner back on the farm, played PIT (much to the chagrin of some of my teammates!! sorry!!), and had a beautiful day with my "family." It was wonderful, not anything I ever expected to experience on my 30th birthday, but oh so beautiful and perfect for me!! Jesus really loves me!!!!

Heading to Africa...

Tue, 6 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Or at least we will be attempting to get there!! Let's see if it works this time!!

We leave today and will get into Johannesburg, South Africa tomorrow morning around 8AM.

Our squad is split into two areas this month...my team will be working with local contacts to enable in the church planting process outside of Maputo, Mozambique in "the bush!"

We will be tenting it for the next three months and will have limited internet access. Around January 25th, we will be heading to Krueger National Park in South Africa for a safari to which we will then head to Swaziland to assist with a short-term missions trip that AIM is conducting. Then in February and March, one month will be working with orphans in Swaziland and the other month will be working with more church planting endeavors in Malawi.

So, please be praying for our squad as we head back into the third world...it will be quite a culture shock again, as well as the weather changing drastically again!!

Thank you to all my friends, family for all your support and encouragement...this year would not have been possible without your prayers, so THANK YOU!!!!

Nakedness Redefined - the present

Mon, 5 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

(in the event that you haven't read the beginning and the middle, you will want to!)

I now have an understanding of what it means to be a new creation in Christ. Over the years while reading about it in all of Paul's writings, I was oblivious to the physical ramifications, much less the spirituality involved.

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun."
2 Corinthians 5:17

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Galatians 2:20

The Lord has truly transformed me into a new creation, yet I continue to struggle with the things of old. In the Galatians verse above, I was reminded of my part in the process when Paul emphasizes that we must trust in the Lord.

I have to trust that the Lord has me in the shadow of His wings and is protecting me in order to combat the lies of the enemy and my flesh! And it has not been easy...yet I could never go back. Just like the new wine needs to be poured into new wineskins, I must fill my mind with His Truths about my identity and my body "so that both are preserved" (Matthew 9:17)

And I claim my identity as His beautiful bride!!

Nakedness Redefined - the beginning

Sun, 4 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

You know those moments in your walk with the Lord when you ask the question, "Did I really sign up for this??" or "Why didn't anyone tell me this wasn't going to be peaches and roses!?" These are the times that I begin looking for the disclaimer statement in the front of my Bible...this was all I could find:

"If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it." Mark 8:35

"Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the

life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies."
2 Corinthians 4:11 (NLT)

During our training camp last April, the World Race founder, Seth Barnes, explained that the race is a "bait and switch." At the time I didn't really know what he meant by it...but now that I have a better understanding of the race, I am in full agreement. Last month, I wrote a blog explaining that saying "yes" to the race was like signing up for an Extreme Makeover... I never bargained for the transformations and the death that the Lord would require of me.

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words...

This is a picture of me at training camp in April 2008...

This is me today.

To be honest, I hate this topic of conversation because it often provokes anxiety and makes people uncomfortable, but in order to tell of the transformation in my life, it must be discussed. Over the last few years, the Lord had often mentioned the subject of weight loss to me. My learned response eventually became something like this, "if you want me to lose weight, you can do it because I don't care to make the effort!"

Again, watch what you pray for and/or give Him permission to do in your life because He will do it!!

During the first four months of the race, I completely surrendered my health and eating patterns to the Lord. I had intentionally given up sweets/sugar, but other than that, I really did not make an effort to lose weight. I also must note that the race has exercise "built in" because we often walk, walk, and then walk some more...it is all about keeping within budget...and if we can save money on transportation, then we walk!!

It wasn't until month four that I began to truly understand the amount of weight I had lost. My first awakening was the day that I looked at a photo of myself, seeing the clothes just hanging on my body. The second was when I stepped on a set of scales. Initially, I was enthralled with the number I saw because I realized that I had not been that weight ever in my adult life (or at least that I can remember!).

And then the lies began to creep in...

Stay tuned for Part 2!!

Nakedness Redefined - the middle

Sun, 4 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

(If you haven't read "the beginning," please catch up because you may get lost!)

And the enemy's lies began to creep in:

You know you can't keep it off.

You know that people may look at you differently and comment on how good you look, but you will always be the "chubby girl."

You know that people like you better and will pay more attention to you now that you are thinner.

You may attract a husband, but what if you can't keep the weight off? Would he still love you then?

Whatever, ...it doesn't matter...you will always be the fat girl, "the fatty."

You know that part in the dream where you realize you are standing naked on the town square and you fractically begin searching for your clothing, searching for anything to hide your nakedness?

"At that moment their eyes were opened,
and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness.
So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves." Genesis 3:7 NLT

Most people would be overjoyed to find themselves significantly thinner...yet I felt naked.

That is where I found myself in November... frantically searching for anything to cover my "nakedness" and to stop the influx of Satan's lies. These are the days when any and every coping mechanism you have ever used resurfaces and you grasp at anything to ease the pain or to cover the nakedness. So, I began to control my eating again and to grasp for things that would fulfill this need for comfort.

Beyond the early years of seeking attention, I learned to distract attention from myself and have attempted in most recent years to deflect attention when at all possible. Because in my mind, I associated attention with negativity and ridicule. Thus with my present "nakedness," I allowed the fear of being noticed and the fear of being thinner to rule.

In the midst of all the lies, fears and failures, the Lord began to speak. And during our de-brief in November, He began to show me that I was controlling my image, which was never mine to control. I was controlling what was never mine to control.

I had embraced being the "chubby girl." It was who I claimed to be...and the Lord finally opened my eyes to the fact that it was me who was holding on to it. I was the one who was constantly seeing the chubby girl in the mirror. I was the one who was concerned about how other people viewed me for fear of being seen as the chubby girl. I was controlling my weight. There was a certain weight range that I have been for the majority of my adult life, and I controlled it because that was who I was. Oh, what sorrow came when I realized that the bane of my existence regarding my appearance was my doing. I had claimed it as my identity.

Until Jesus stepped in and opened my eyes to see that I am not naked...He has just re-clothed me.

"You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy." Psalm 30:11b

"She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

A London World Race Christmas

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

CHRISTMAS IN LONDON

From being sad about missing these fine folk,

to embracing the family that I have this year...and learning how blessed I am!

Here are some of the pictures from our London July '08 Christmas...enjoy!!

Lisa and Lindsay on our way to get some WARM clothes earlier in December when we arrived in London and were FREEZING!!

My 5 Alive Family with our namesake...5 Alive fruit juice...

don't tell anyone, but I don't even really like the drink!!

Our Christmas spread...you would have thought we were in the Hilton...it was beautiful thanks to the set-up work of Marissa.

And these were our two Christmas Festivities Coordinators, Sara and Jen note the amazing food!! (it was ALL great except the turkey, ...but wait, I hate turkey so I didn't eat any but I heard it was great!! I will have to eat some roast beef next year!!)

This my friend, is not a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, it is not a fake Christmas tree, this is a World Race Christmas...this is what you get when you live on a budget and can't afford to buy a real one that is bigger than your hand...THANK YOU to our delightful friends Shanda and Katie who MADE this Christmas tree from scrap pine and a slab of wood with some power tools, wire and other misc items!! Isn't it beautiful!!?? And it didn't cost us our food for the day!!! wahoo, Jesus loves us!!

And then for the evening festivities, we had the "Newly Wed" game which was rather enlightening for us single ones...it made for a fun-filled evening!! by the way, the couple in the middle were the official winners, but I think they all did well!!

Merry Christmas!!

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Merry Christmas from London!

Having never been away from family and friends for the holidays, I have realized how blessed I've been. As we celebrate our Savior's birth, I am reminded that in this life is life and death. The Lord gives and takes away. And whether He gives or takes away, I am to praise Him at all times, in all circumstances.

Being away from home has been difficult the past two weeks, but the beautiful men and women of God that are my family this year have made it special...I mean, who wouldn't want to sleep in a room with 13 girls?? and share 2 showers among 32 people??

Below are a few pictures of our life the past few days:

Our Christmas Eve candlelight service (picture compliments of Shanda)

Our room that sleeps 13 girls - community living, gotta love it!! (picture compliments of Jessie)

We iced cookies after the Christmas Eve service (picture compliments of Jessie)

Merry Christmas to all!! Thank you so much for all of your love and support!!

A Beautiful Story

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Please read the following blog written by my sqadmate Josh:

I thought maybe they were confused

Posted in London by Josh Markland on 12/24/2008

I was on the ESPN.com this morning, fuming because Mark Teixeira signed with the despicable Yankees instead of my beloved, and his hometown, Baltimore Orioles. Sacrilege!! His contract is worth $180 million over the next 8 seasons. Without a doubt, this now filthy rich 29 year-old will have a very Merry Christmas indeed. After I finished that article, my attention was diverted to a tiny little article at the bottom of the page about a high school football game. At the end of the article I found myself wiping away a tear. The streets of London, just like those of America, are filled with hopelessness and pain. We don't all have the money that Mark Teixeira now has, but we do have the ability to encourage people, to sacrifice ourselves in order to bring joy to someone else. Afterall, Christmas is nothing without sacrifice. I hope this article brings a tear to your eye as well as a desire to your heart...

Melinda Wright

Gainesville State players douse head coach Mark Williams in celebration.

They played the oddest game in high school football history last month down in Grapevine, Texas.

It was Grapevine Faith vs. Gainesville State School and everything about it was upside down. For instance, when Gainesville came out to take the field, the Faith fans made a 40-yard spirit line for them to run through.

Did you hear that? The other team's fans?

They even made a banner for players to crash through at the end. It said, "Go Tornadoes!" Which is also weird, because Faith is the Lions.

It was rivers running uphill and cats petting dogs. More than 200 Faith fans sat on the Gainesville side and kept cheering the Gainesville players on by name.

"I never in my life thought I'd hear people cheering for us to hit their kids," recalls Gainesville's QB and middle linebacker, Isaiah. "I wouldn't expect another parent to tell somebody to hit their kids. But they wanted us to!"

And even though Faith walloped them 33-14, the Gainesville kids were so happy that after the game they gave head coach Mark Williams a sideline squirt-bottle shower like he'd just won state. Gotta be the first Gatorade bath in history for an 0-9 coach.

But then you saw the 12 uniformed officers escorting the 14 Gainesville players off the field and two and two started to make four. They lined the players up in groups of five, handcuffs ready in their back pockets, and marched them to the team bus. That's because Gainesville is a maximum-security correctional facility 75 miles north of Dallas. Every game it plays is on the road.

This all started when Faith's head coach, Kris Hogan, wanted to do something kind for the Gainesville team. Faith had never played Gainesville, but he already knew the score. After all, Faith was 7-2 going into the game, Gainesville 0-8 with 2 TDs all year. Faith has 70 kids, 11 coaches, the latest equipment and involved parents. Gainesville has a lot of kids with convictions for drugs, assault and robbery, many of whose families had disowned them, wearing seven-year-old shoulder pads and ancient helmets.

So Hogan had this idea. What if half of our fans, for one night only, cheered for the other team? He sent out an email asking the Faithful to do just that. "Here's the message I want you to send:" Hogan wrote. "You are just as valuable as any other person on planet Earth."

Some people were naturally confused. One Faith player walked into Hogan's office and asked, "Coach, why are we doing this?"

And Hogan said, "Imagine if you didn't have a home life. Imagine if everybody had pretty much given up on you. Now imagine what it would mean for hundreds of people to suddenly believe in you."

Next thing you know, the Gainesville Tornadoes were turning around on their bench to see something they never had before. Hundreds of fans. And actual cheerleaders!

"I thought maybe they were confused," said Alex, a Gainesville lineman (only first names are released by the prison). "They started yelling 'DEE-fense!' when their team had the ball. I said, 'What? Why they cheerin' for us?'"

It was a strange experience for boys who most people cross the street to avoid. "We can tell people are a little afraid of us when we come to the games," says Gerald, a lineman who will wind up doing more than three years. "You can see it in their eyes. They're lookin' at us like we're criminals. But these people, they were yellin' for us! By our names!"

Maybe it figures that Gainesville played better than it had all season, scoring the game's last two touchdowns. Of course, this might be because Hogan put his third-string nose guard at safety and his third-string cornerback at defensive end. Still.

After the game, both teams gathered in the middle of the field to pray and that's when Isaiah surprised everybody by asking to lead. "We had no idea what the kid was going to say," remembers Coach Hogan. But Isaiah said this: "Lord, I don't know how this happened, so I don't know how to say thank You, but I never would've known there was so many people in the world that cared about us."

And it was a good thing everybody's heads were bowed because they might've seen Hogan wiping away tears.

As the Tornadoes walked back to their bus under guard, they each were handed a bag for the ride home, a burger, some fries, a soda, some candy, a Bible and an encouraging letter from a Faith player.

The Gainesville coach saw Hogan, grabbed him hard by the shoulders and said, "You'll never know what your people did for these kids tonight. You'll never, ever know."

And as the bus pulled away, all the Gainesville players crammed to one side and pressed their hands to the window, staring at these people they'd never met before, watching their waves and smiles disappearing into the night.

Anyway, with the economy six feet under and Christmas running on about three and a half reindeer, it's nice to know that one of the best presents you can give is still absolutely free.

Hope.

Continent Change - EUROPE!!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Yeah, so didn't really know when I posted the last blog that we really would be doing a continent change...but we did!!

We are in LONDON!!! This is how it went...

There was a lot of talk about us having to change our destination due to the airport problems in Bangkok...so we waited and waited hoping that "one day" we would be able to leave. Our initial flight was to have left at 8PM on November 26, with our final destination being Johannesburg, Africa to ride a bus to Swaziland, Africa. We spent most of our days waiting for "the phone call" from our squad's logistical folks, which usually meant staying around the YWAM base where we were staying because we were never sure when we would get "the phone call."

One week later, on December 3, a small group of us headed out to ministry with a group that some of my squadmates had met in our "waiting period." As we were picking up trash in the slum area, I heard these squeals and finally an outrageous roar from the girls with me as I heard the words..."we have to be packed and ready to leave the base by 7PM! Oh, and we are heading to LONDON!!" Thankfully it was only 3PM at the time, so we hurried home for showers and to pack up.

We found ourselves at a convention center in Bangkok, which was the temporary airport terminal for the military base that had been opened in order for flights to come in and out of Bangkok. After waiting in long lines to check in, sitting for hours and waiting in more lines, we boarded a bus that took us to the airport to board our 5AM flight. By the way, I have never boarded a bus giving my airplane ticket before!! The bus ride was an hour or so, but we were not allowed to exit the bus until the plane was ready for us because technically we had already "checked out" of the country!! We had a 4 hour layover in Adu Dhabi, which we spent in line to obtain our tickets...literally 3 1/2 hours spent in line...patience is a virtue in case you were wondering!!

We finally arrived in London on December 4 around 6PM!! And we looked like crazy people because we were planning to be in Africa. A little bit of a climate change, but one that is quite delightful if you ask me!! I am NO longer hot and sweaty every day... I will try to re-enact the warmest outfit that I had on when we arrived here and post it because it was rather humorous!!

The Lord totally had different plans for us this month because within less than three days we had a ministry secured that was able to take all 32 of us, board us, feed us and be relatively close to our tiny budget...London is a little more expensive than the World Race budget...but the Lord had everything planned out for us!! Praise Him!!

We are working this month with an international church that reaches out to ethnic groups within the city. They are providing multi-cultural training for us to assist in the evangelistic outreaches we are doing during our time here.

Jesus really loves me because I was not certain how I was going to survive a HOT Christmas in Africa...I was really looking forward to being in Africa, but I know that the Lord had other plans for us this month which was so apparent when everything fell into place so quickly!!

Possible Continent Change???

Tue, 2 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

As I emerged from my delightful Big Anges bed this EARLY morning, I saw the following on our whiteboard:

But before I go get my scuba gear and throw away ALL that is in my pack to make room for it,....I think I will take into consideration the bearer of the message, "The fisk-a-nator," aka Stephanie Fisk, our fearless squad leader...

Stephanie, what's up with the parrots??

Anyway, we are pondering options to get us out of Bangkok before the New Year...hopefully sooner than that!! Stephanie and Brian and Stacy Alonzo have been the folks who have been diligently spending hours at the airline or on the phone daily trying to determine how to get 32 people out of a city that has a closed airport!!! THANK YOU to them for all the hours and Starbucks goodies they have had to endure!!! and check out Stephanie's most recent blog about our time of "Limbo" in Bangkok!!

I'm Heading Home

Mon, 1 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

***********************************

Quick Travel Update: My squad is currently "stranded" in Bangkok, Thailand due to the anti-government protesting that overtook the airport last Tuesday...and is still going on. Our flight was to have left last Wednesday evening...we are SAFE and actually enjoying the "holiday" that it seems the Lord has provided for us before we head to Africa. We are living day to day, determining each morning from the airline whether we have a flight or not...such is the World Race.

***********************************************************************

Ok, so I'm heading home...but not the "home" I have known for 29 years!

I am heading to my new home...Africa!!!

(whenever we make it out of Thailand!)

At about this time last year, I was sitting in my living room reading my friend, Mallorie's (on the right) blogs, When Visions Collide I & II - Visions and Dreams being wrecked because I knew that the Lord was asking me to pursue my dream of being in Africa, loving on some orphans.

(by the way, the verdict is still out about whether I am going to bungee jump off Africa's largest bridge!!)

And here I sit, a year later about to step foot on the land that has captured my heart, even though I have never been there! My dream of being in Africa is about to be realized...

This last month the Lord confirmed to me that Africa is my new "home," which terrifies and excites me at the same time. I was one of those people that always said "some day that will happen!" Well, that "some day" is finally here and it is exhilerating to finally be going to the place that has captured my heart, yet terrifying to realize that it is a reality and not just a dream!!

The landscape may be changing, but it will still be "home" because it is where the Lord has called me to.

It has been a struggle for me to acknowledge that my new "home" is continents away from all that I hold dear...but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the land and the people that I am to love!!

"Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.

Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong."

Ephesians 3:17

Extreme Makeover: World Race Edition

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Ten months ago, I agreed to go on this crazy, 11 month journey around the world. I knew that I could potentially come back a different person if I chose to press into the Lord...

But I had no idea that I had signed up for an

EXTREME MAKEOVER!!

The Lord has done an overhaul on my spiritual, physical, mental, and physical being...and it has been beautiful at times and excruciating in some moments.

Back in Cambodia, I found myself journaling the following:

A different woman is emerging. I can feel it. I can see it. There is a lightness in her that is visible. And Your peace is rising within her. As I look in the mirror, I see a beauty like I've never known before. Her name is Joy.

I don't recognize this woman I see in the mirror, and it is scary. The Lord has taken who I was and turned my ashes into beauty. Yet I often find myself wanting to cover the "nakedness" I feel. He has taken so much of who I was that I can't go backwards, yet I have lost all control of who I am, where I'm going, and when and how I will get there.

But I am in the center of His love for me...which is a place I never want to leave.

More later on the specifics of all that He is doing in me.

For now, know that He will give you an

Extreme Makeover,

if only you would just have a "YES!!" in your spirit and let Him take the reins of your life!

Pattaya Praise

Fri, 7 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

For this month, I am with a group of girls from our squad, ministering in the city of Pattaya, Thailand, which is known for its prostitution...

Krystal, my squadmate writes:

"God of This City" is a song written by an Irish Worship Band called Bluetree that originated out of a ministry trip while playing in a bar here in Pattaya, during Pattaya Praise a couple of years ago. Chris Tomlin as also recorded the song as well. To check out more of their story and lyrics click here!

Walking down the street your heart can't help but weep. There are seven of us girls serving here in Pattaya, Thailand this month. It's a coastal town of about 70,000 people with about 20,000 being women in prostitution. Since arriving here we've been praying, "God break our hearts for the things that break yours." Look to the right and you'll see a beautiful Thai woman dressed in a little mini skirt, knowing that in just a few short hours she'll be negotiating a price, exchanging her need to survive for her emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Look to the left and you may see a 20-something Thai boy with slouched shoulders and head down as he holds the hand of a 50 year old foreign man. In front of you is a "lady boy," a man dressed as a woman with super lengthy legs, Hollywood make-up, and a black lingerie outfit that provocatively calls his suitors. Behind you is a lonely 60 year old white male sitting alone in the bar, in the back of a truck, and walking down the street, knowing that in a few short hours he also will be exchanging himself and taking advantage of a woman, not just for the sake of fun pleasure but in hopes of filling the empty craving tearing his life apart. Pressing past the anger one feels toward the perversion, disgust, and destruction of sin in this place, you see the reality that this city is really just full of broken, confused, and very lost people. Everywhere here people are in such desperate need for love, companionship, and identity, but most of all Jesus.

As heart wrenching as all of this is, God has reminded me that He is "God of this city". Along with the importance of prayer and battling for people is praising Him. So, this is why believers here have organized Pattaya Praise. We have been invited to be a part, and I'm also inviting you too join as well! It began on Wednesday, November 5th and goes through Saturday, November 8th. The purpose is to pray and praise at strategic locations around the city on each of these days. It is the 5th year; however, the very first that local Thai people have headed it up. We will go into churches, the local bars, schools, a hill overlooking the city and the first Buddhist shrine, while ending on Saturday at a huge striptease club called "Tiffany's," which is the root of where much of the sexual immorality originated and now exists. We're asking God to fill this place to the max with more than 1,500 people, where many of Pattaya's lost people will come find Jesus, as well as influential leaders like the mayor and the media who've been invited.

Please praise and pray alongside of us as we invite God to reign over Pattaya more than He already does!"

Last night we worshipped with a local band at a bar!! Never worshipped my God in a bar before, but oh how amazing it was to be praising the Lord in a place where people come to fill the voids in their lives with things that are fleeting!! And of course, God showed up and completely wrecked a few of the girls working there, with about two or three of them turning to the Lord last night!! What an awesome God we serve!!

And please check out this video of our impressions of this city:

Myanmar Needs YOU!

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The People of Myanmar need YOU! Please help us help those who were devastated by the cyclone last spring...Will you help us raise $2000 by Nov 12th?

As you read this blog, we pray that the Lord starts to connect you with what He is doing in Myanmar. For the next two weeks, five members of our squad (July '08) are faithfully "Being Jesus" in this country that is so hungry for his love. We, as a squad, are petitioning for your support - both spiritually and financially. We would love to have you join us in this step of faith. We need the encouragement of our supporters that lies in your prayers and financial contributions.
During this year, our squad will choose projects that we want to raise not just money for, but awareness on how you back home can tangibly be involved with what we are doing on the race. Our first 'project' is raising funds so we can send a small group of racers into Myanmar. The Lord started speaking to individuals a few months ago about going to the Burmese and sharing His love, hope and joy to these beautiful people who live daily in fear and devastation.
We are a pioneering squad. Following the Lord faithfully into uncharted waters. Going to Myanmar seemed impossible. But the Lord started to swing doors wide open. We obtained VISA's within 3 days (very few people are even granted VISA's) and permits to go south into the delta region; got connected with an amazing organization that is dedicated to 'going into the more difficult places'; and were blessed by an incredible individual who is going to translate for our team the entire time they are in Myanmar.
Under the Lord's direction, the plan is to connect with underground churches and orphanages and to "be Jesus's hands" in the delta region where Cyclone Nargis killed thousands last spring. Check out the following link to see what other organizations are now helping with the cyclone survivors (http://us.oneworld.net/alerts/myanmarcyclone?gclid=CPvGzZnwxpYCFRNPegodyGAKww)
The purpose of this trip is to 1) Be obedient and step out in faith to where the Lord is leading 2) Bring the Kingdom to a hurting country 3) Pioneer and form connections with the hope of sending more World Race teams in the future 4) Provide a first-hand account of what is going on in Myanmar and sensitize us to urgent prayer needs.
If you would like to join us in this ministry financially, we ask that you send a check to AIM by Nov 12th. Within the next two weeks we need to raise $2000.

Send checks to:
Adventures in Missions
PO Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
Write checks out to "Adventures in Missions" and in the 'for' line write "World Race Ministry - Myanmar".
If you prefer, you may click here to donate online through AIM's secure website. Please indicate "World Race Ministry - Myanmar" in the box.
As soon as the team gets back to Thailand, they will be blogging and posting videos on their time in Myanmar. We thank you in advance for all your prayers and support!
World Race Squad '08
----------------------------------------------
Here's a write-up from one of our racers who is in Myanmar...
In Matthew 28, Jesus commanded his disciples to go out and make disciples of all nations. Twelve men set out with an enormous task that would ultimately result in the glorious message and truth of Christ spreading to the four corners of the earth. The work of the initial disciples continues on this very day as this commandment to go and do is charged to all who know and love Jesus Christ. We have been obedient to the call of the Lord that led us to go on this journey knowing that we are carrying on the work of disciples that goes as far back as the original twelve. We have counted the cost and know that all the heartache and pain we have to endure is worth every second of it if it means that lambs are being added to the flock of the Lord.
We have been obedient by following the Lord this far but God rarely stops talking and we have to make sure that we are obedient to His voice on a perpetual basis. On the world race this means going to places that may not have been on the itinerary. That is where 5 of us find ourselves this month. While most of our squad will be doing ministry in Thailand, we have been called by God to venture out to a new territory- Myanmar (formerly Burma).

Christ said, "Go to ALL nations." What an exciting opportunity! Not only are we venturing into a country where few western missionaries have gone before, but also we go in hoping to build a bridge and create contacts so that others may come in armed with the power of Christ. Myanmar is under the oppressive control of a military government. What could be more incredible than bringing the only message that liberates completely to a people that so badly need to hear it? Christ is ready to move.

While we are not totally sure what our time there will look fully, we know that there is major need in the areas that were hit hard by cyclone Nargis. That devastation is still fresh as the cyclone hit in May of this year. There could also be possibilities of working with orphans and other students as well. No matter what we do, we will be a reflection of Jesus and that is what is most important.
However, we are in great financial need here. As you know, we have had to raise a lot of money for this trip but our venture into Myanmar is not supported (not even close!) by our monthly budget. God is calling us there physically but He is calling you there in another sense. In Luke 9, Jesus sends out the twelve, but tells them to "take nothing for the journey" including money, bread and other necessities. This is how we are approaching Myanmar- with empty hands lifted upwards.

God will provide and He will do it through you. Thank you for taking the time to prayerfully consider this request and remember what the Lord said through Samuel in 1 Samuel 15:22 "to obey is better than sacrifice". Please be obedient to Him in this matter.

Rubbish Mountain Video

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Here is a picture of the life of those who live in the slums of Phnom Penh, Cambodia. But BE WARNED, if you let it, it just may change your life!!

Check Out What GOD Did!!

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

As I prepared for the trip, I remember one of my pastors saying, "I know that you will come back a different person...what I want to hear are the stories about what God has done!!"

So, here are some of the amazing things God did during our time in the Steung Mean Chey slum of Phnom Penh, Cambodia:

Multiple physical healings!: chest pain relieved, breathing restored, eyesight returned to normal, fever broken instantly

Multiple hearts turned to the Lord!! stories below

During our last afternoon at the slums, we had a revival. We invited as many people in the slum as we could find to tell them about it , and even had some of our squadmates come!! It was an amazing time of prayer, worship and more prayer for the people...and of course, God showed up and astounded us with His presence!! Physical healings, hearts turned to Jesus, and other God things happened that afternoon through the MUD and heat!! Read on for some of the stories...

Praise the Lord for His glory resounds among His people!!

This is TR, who is a worship leader at another church in town. He is a young man on FIRE for the Lord, who gave up his Friday afternoon to spend time with us in the slums, sharing the love of Jesus with his people. Throughout our many thanks to him for sacrificing his time, he stopped us with thanks for his own for taking him to the slum. The Lord blessed his obedience because he told us that he would have never agreed to go out in the pouring rain and mud to stand and hear about the Lord, as the people in the slums did that afternoon! PRAISE the LORD for He is GOOD!!

The girl that we are praying with here came to the revival, not knowing what was going on nor knowing anything about God. She came forward for prayer, also stating that she wasn't sure what she wanted prayer for...the girl on the left is one of my squad mates whose teammate had ministered to the girl in the white shirt, Ronni...she came to the Lord just days before we encouraged her to be praying with this girl who was "hungry" but didn't know what would fulfill it! Ronni shared her story with this girl and explained that she had come to the revival because the Lord was pursuing her!! What an amazing God we serve that He would bring a new believer to the revival to bring another soul into the Kingdom!!! Praise the Lord for our God is so BIG!!

This man we had prayed with earlier in the month...and God did a transforming work in Him!! At the revival, we saw him praising the Lord, and this transformed man went to the front and exhorted his fellow neighbors to seek the Lord and challenged them to "rise up!!" Even before the revival, we saw a physical transformation in this man...Sandy, the nurse practitioner in the slums, mentioned that the Lord had begun a good work in him!!

These are the beautiful people that we came alongside this month, ministering in the slum.

The sight of the Lord's REVIVAL in Steung Mean Chey...a day that, we believe, changed an entire community! Because His love is contagious and will infect all those around it!! Whether under tents, sitting on plastic chairs in MUD or sitting in a beautiful elaborate church, God shows up when you invite His presence!!! After the majority of the people at the revival went forward for prayer, Sandy mentioned that it was not because the "white people" requested it from them. She knows the people and where they have come from, their struggles...and she stated that they were genuinely seeking the Lord as they stepped forward for prayer!! Praise the Lord, for He pursues His people and never forsakes them!!

During one of our first days doing home visits with the health volunteers, we prayed for a woman who had a severe fever that had lasted several days. She was visibly feverish, with sweat beading on her forehead and arms. By the time we were done praying with her, her fever had broke and the sweat was vanishing!! Before we left the slum that day, she came over, showed us that her fever was completely gone and that she was completely healed!!! PRAISE the Lord for He heals the sick!!

That same day, we also prayed for a woman who responded to the message about God wanting to heal our "sick" hearts by saying that "sometimes I have anger in my heart towards other people." We prayed over her and later learned that she was a new Christian of about two months. As we saw her throughout our time in the slums, there was a visible lightness and joy about her.

During one of the first days in the slum, my teammate, Natalie, was asking the question,

"Why? Why are we here Lord??"

She promptly looked down and this is what she saw.

Oh, Lord, may I never forget why I am here...to be bringing joy to the

hopeless, the unloved, the ones who don't know the JOY that I have.

This Could Be Your Neighborhood

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Stung Mean Chey Slum at "Rubbish Mountain"

This is the road to your house - lined with dump trucks on the way to "Rubbish Mountain," the town dump straight ahead of you.

This is your street, complete with mud and huge potholes.

This could be your home. Please note the trash in the black sewage water that seeps in after heavy rains. Your kitchen is on the left in the foreground. Your bed is in the back of the room - the paneling/wooden slats that lay two feet above the black sewage water. And by the way, the black sewage water smells like sewage and trash.

This could be your "stove" and "fuel" a cement fire pit that you use to cook which is about the size of a 2 gallon bucket.

This is just one of the sights you might see in your neighborhood.

This is another view from your neighborhood. But it is also a view of your workplace, which is "Rubbish Mountain," the town dump. Your job consists of rummaging through the dump to obtain items that you can sell in order to eat for the day (ie. Metal, plastic).

These could be your children - walking barefoot, half-clothed through the black/green sewage water in front of your home.

WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE HERE?

Steung Mean Chey - A Cambodian Slum

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

This month, my team is working in a slum in the city of Phnom Phen, Cambodia.

We are working alongside what God is already doing in this place, working with a pastor and a nurse practitioner with ministries in the slums. We have been working alongside a health ministry team that teaches volunteers to teach basic health to the people. (At Left - the volunteers, Sandy - the nurse practitoner from Australia, and Pastor Sarith - far left).

They go throughout the village doing the health teachings and afterwards we share a message with them. Praise the Lord as we have seen multiple come to the Lord and multiple physical healings as a result of these home visits!!

We have also taught them about small groups and will be teaching the children's teachers this week about teaching the Bible to the children. The pastor we are working with this month is an amazing man of God who has embraced us this month, allowing us to teach and come alongside all that they are doing in this area.

Pastor Sarith also operates an orphanage that we have been able to visit. And we had the privilege of joining them the other night for worship and prayer...I have never seen children as young as 4 years old crying out for the nations and passionately praying for God's provision to fall. They were praying for their nation and Thailand to have reconciliation regarding all that is going on up north near the border. These children know how big their God is and know that He will answer when they ask Him for miracles. What a blessing it was to see children earnestly praying for the Lord's power to come down!!

For more pictures of what we have been doing, please check out Natalie's page. She takes amazing pictures!!

Thanks for all your support and prayers!! They are greatly appreciated and needed!!

Vietnam Video

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Here is a video that Natalie, my teammate made about our time in Vietnam!!

I Need to Need

Thu, 9 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

*****My team is working in the slums this month. I will be posting a ministry/location blog soon, I promise! :-)*****

Over the course of our debrief last week, my team played musical chairs. And the Lord put me in the leadership chair for my team. It is not what I would have chosen, but again, this World Race thing isn't about what I want. The last few days have been quite burdensome for me as I have been trying to be a leader. I chose to spend today focusing on the Lord in order to become realigned with Him. The following is my journal entry from this morning:

Lord, I need to choose to need You. In my life, I have put You on an "as needed" and/or "standby" status in my life. And I used You whenever I needed something or wanted some relief from the present circumstance. I have not wanted to need You, to surrender everything. Because I have lived my life to not have to rely on nor need people. I thought it would just be better that way, less painful, less rejection. And now I find myself understanding that all the walls I created around my heart have done nothing but destroy my ability to receive. To receive love. To receive validation. To receive affirmation. To receive love, hope, joy, peace, but as it says in Your word, the greatest of these is love. I need Your love.

In my desperate search to find acceptance, love and validation, I had created this prison wall surrounding my heart, complete with barbed wire. And You have been chipping away at it the past few years, but You are now using a bulldozer because the bleeding has gotten out of control. You have to get in in order for me to not bleed to death. I have been suffocating in my abilities, in my strength, in my understanding, in my knowledge of who I am.

You have brought me to this place, to these people, to Your heart to begin to understand the beauty of need. The beauty of desperation. The people we are ministering to this month...they know need. They know desperation. They know what it is like to "lean not on your own understanding." They know how to receive. They know how to rely on one another for their basic physical needs. And they know a desperation and a need for You that I am only beginning to see. They have something I do not. The understanding of need.

Need strips away all pride and all dignity to expose us for who we are. My need is exposing me for who I am. A mere woman with nothing to offer but my desperate need for Your love. I have run and run and worked so hard to not need You. I've tried to survive on the small morsels I would taste periodically of Your goodness and love, but it is not enough. I am in need. And there is no denying it.

As we walk through the slums, there is no question of the multitude of needs. They are a desperate people in need. They need food, better living conditions, clean water, but more than any of that, they need You. And in Your beautiful plan for my life, You have provided this opportunity for me to recognize my desperation and absolute NEED for Your extravagant love in my life. It will take a movement from You to change these slums. To bring them home to Your heart and to bring light into the darkness. Only You can do it. Only You can bring them the peace and hope they long for. Only You can love them the way they were created to be loved.

And only You can turn my ashes into beauty. Only You can help me receive Your love and open my heart to be extravagantly loved by You.

I realize that I have yet to know true peace, to know true love, to know true hope, to know true joy. I have tasted them at moments, but my prison walls prevented me from abiding in them. Prevented me from the abundant life You have called us to live.

So, here I am in the midst of Cambodia, learning to live in the "slums." To live in desperate need. Learning to receive what You have for me. And learning that You are far greater, far better than I ever imagined. That You love me more than I can understand.

But it is beautiful. It is a love that is all-consuming. That loves me for me. A love that loves me. A love that does not require me to be anything but me. A love that giggles, smiles, and delights in who I am. A love that notices when I walk in the room. A love that walks with me wherever my feet land. A love that is full of hope, joy and peace. A love that is just for me. And a love that is individualized for all Your children. What a beautiful picture it is that You love all of us with the same love, yet it is different because You love us how we each need to be loved individually.

Forgive me Lord for using You on an "as needed" basis and living in my own strength. Teach me to receive Your extravagant love for me. And forgive me for consistently pushing my family and friends away from me when they got too close to my heart. Forgive me for wounding others in my woundedness. I want to receive this extravagant love that is mine for the taking. Thank You Lord for Your endless pursuit of my heart. And thank You for believing in me.

As I continue learning more about the Lord's pursuit of my heart, I recognize that He is using me to love the beautiful people in these nations. But He loves them more and more each day, as He does me. Which is why He is never content with my present understanding of His love for me.

So, my question to you is, do you know what it is like to need? Do you need the Father? Or is He on an "as-needed" basis in your life like it was in mine??

Vietnam - "Fire in the Night"

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Since my squadmates have done a most excellent job of telling stories about our hotel and the prostitution that is happening in it, I have chosen to let you just read some of theirs.

"Heartbreak Hotel" - Brian Alonzo

"Fire in the Night" - Pamela Philp

"A Girl's Value: A cup of tea?" - Ashley Johnson

And to hear about some of the effects that Vietnam has been on our squad, check out Jennifer Crane's "lets be honest."

AND please check out Jennifer's pictures!! She is a professional photographer, and I have not been able to upload any of mine.

A Watermelon Update

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

After the previous watermelon blog, I came to determine that it is all a matter of perspective. I was focusing on the seeds and how annoying they were and could not get past them to see the beauty and taste the refreshment of its juiciness.

I took the afternoon to spend my time "grieving," in order to get past my "black" watermelon.

As is the usual, it turned out to be different than I had expected. I thought that a lot of tears and grieving needed to be involved. But as I began to look at the words in my journal, I quickly recognized the need for a new perspective because I was focusing on the wrong part.

I remembered a revelation that a squadmate had shared earlier that morning. Ashley shared that the Lord was speaking with her about the Lord's work in her life. She stated that she cannot doubt the Lord's work in her past and in the present but that she fears that whatever is to come is possibly weird, bad, or something she wouldn't want. And she spoke of the recognition for the need to trust Him, when He has only proven Himself to be faithful to never leave her nor forsake her.

And I realized in that moment, that I needed to get up out of the mire and trust that He has beautiful plans for life!!

In his book Crazy Love, Francis Chan says that when we look toward the future, we often do not see the Lord with us there. And I see truth to this in my life. I have frequently been in fear of the future because I do not readily see Him there with me. Which seems rather silly since He has always been right there with me every step of the way.

These things are surfacing as the Lord continues to confirm the call on my life in very tangible ways, which has been freaking me out because I don't trust enough that He will provide for me and be with me through it all.

So, anyways, that is where I am today.

This roller coaster they call The World Race is beyond anything I would ever have said "yes!" to on my own, but I am so thankful that He called me out of my corner to step into center stage.