If I didn't know better, I would think the last 11 months have been a dream...
Even after 10 months, I still find myself asking the pertinent question of "where am I?" and "what am I doing?"
It has been an amazing year of life, death, hope, love and a re-birth of dreams long squelched...more on that later...
I just wanted to give you an update...This last month of ministry, I was in two locations in Moldova. Today was our last day of ministry in Cahul, Moldova...we head to Kiev, Ukraine tomorrow evening for our final debrief. We hit American soil on May 20, but I won't get to Ohio till the 21st.
Thank you again for all your support and prayers as I have traveled the world. I will bring more stories soon about my last month of ministry.
During April in Romania, we worked with
a local missionary, John who is married to a Gypsie woman, Tootsie (to
the right). We ministered to the Gypsie's by doing evangelism, yard
work for the elderly, visiting the sick and doing children's programs.
This is Katie. We visited her in a neighboring village...we laughed and talked with her for a few hours. She and her husband fed us this amazing walnut cake, after filling our purses with walnuts the day before!!!
This is Jenny, who is a Christian woman who is homebound due to her health. We visited her and were able to provide some food for herself and her family.
The following are some of the children that participated in our children's programs:
This little boy is the youngest of 5, with an absent mother and an alcoholic father.
This is my friend, Maria, who sat on this bench everyday, which is right outside her house. As I sat down with her on our last day, she handed me the larger piece of cake that she was holding and refused to let me give it back to her. She lives alone in Viile Tecii, which is the village where we stayed.
Our last prayer together before we left.
Krystle, myself and John having a little fun at the market...
Too much muscle, apparently!! haha They still work up some of their fields by hand here...
I have often heard people talk about God bringing people to the end of themselves. I thought I had actually experienced it a time or two, but I don't think I had a clue...
Last week in the midst of conflict, my squad leader asked me,
"How close to empty are you?"
And in that moment, I knew that I was still attempting to rely on my own strength. Still attempting to hang on to my pride. Still attempting to minister, love and serve out of my own reserves, which was dwindling with each breath I took.
And it wasn't until I finally laid my pride on His altar, acknowledging that I am nothing without Him, that He began to fill me.
"My old self has been crucified with Christ.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.
So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God,
who loves me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20
Throughout this process of my death and resurrection, God brought me to my knees as I experienced my deepest fears realized in my life...failure, weakness and rejection.
In bringing my old self to its death, He has given me new life.
I can recount story upon story of the tragedies and joys of this world that result in both physical and spiritual life and death.
But at the end of the day, these are the Truths that keep me pursuing my Jesus:
He is good.
And He loves me.
And that is enough for me. He is enough for me.
I may have taken a long path to get these Truths to sink into my being, but they are permanently cemented into my heart...for I serve a Lord who loves me with a passionate, intimate love...He just wanted me to acknowledge that He is my everything and that I am nothing without Him.
"...What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation." Galatians 6:15b
All glory to my Lord who has blessed me with this new creation.
By the way, I am thoroughly enjoying our ministry here in Romania...I got to play in the dirt for hours...don't worry, Grandma, I haven't forgotten how to do manual labor!! More details to come...
Walking into Africa, I did not know what to expect...but I obviously had expectations as usual because it sure was NOT what I expected.
In Mozambique, the Lord revealed the fear and anxiety that has plagued me for years, exposing it in order to free me from it.
Then in Malawi, the Lord provided me the opportunity to put feet to my faith in Him and to walk into the freedom His love grants us. He spoke through me to bring freedom to the captives. He afforded me the opportunity to laugh in the face of my giants as I proclaimed His Truth about my fears.
"...perfect love casts out all fear..." 1 John 4:18
And He finally convinced me that He has created me to counsel and to teach, which was apparently obvious to most except me.
"...Teach and counsel each other with the wisdom he gives..." Colossians 3:16
You would think that a degree in counseling would convince me, but I continued to fight it until He brought my team face to face with a married couple in Malawi that were in need of marriage counseling. And as my team began to look to me, I inwardly screamed, "I can't do this! What the heck are you thinking bringing me here to do this, Lord!? I have no idea what I'm doing!" To which He responded with, "That is precisely why I brought you here...so that you will forfeit your belief that you can live without me. You can't do this on your own. You need me. You need me..."
I still thought I could live without Him. If you remember way back at the beginning of this journey, I wrote a blog about Him not being enough for me...and I realize that I was still trying to be enough for me. Trying to do it on my own, relying on my own strength to minister, to love and to serve.
And then He brought me to a new level of surrender.
*sugar, potatoes, electric, and a cold drink are luxuries
*the women carry everything - a baby on the back, bucket of water on the head, and a bundle of wood in the arms
*going to church could mean a 1 1/2 hour walk one way - down and then up the mountain
*household members include multiple children that are not yours (the Chairman of the church we work with has 4 children of his own and cares for 15 nieces and nephews whose parents are dead)
*your daily food is sima, which is a mixture of corn flower and water
*God's provision is literally your daily bread
*the pastor receives a gift each week of food from one area of his church...he receives no salary...this past week, Pastor was blessed with sugar and beans
We have been so blessed by Pastor Gama and his wife Rose. They are true servants of the Lord, working day and night serving their church, family and community. Rose's service to us has been humbling to say the least. She cooks us two meals a day, refuses to let us do our own laundry, and loves us with Jesus' love like I have never seen. I have learned so much about serving by her humble spirit, as I find myself constantly grumbling or complaining about what I have done. Just yesterday as we were walking to our prayer meeting, I found myself complaining in my head about the water bottle, umbrella and Bible I was carrying. And then I noticed a woman coming toward me carrying bundle of sugar cane on her head, a baby on her back, and a bucket of produce in one hand...
I have so much to learn about being a servant...and I am so blessed and humbled by our hosts. They completely rearranged their house to accomodate us and do everything they can to make us comfortable...yet their service to us makes me uncomfortable as I realize how little I serve and how it is often with a negative attitude. But thankfully God is revealing the things in my heart that He doesn't like and molding me into His image!
The Lord is also teaching me about trusting Him and becoming dependent upon Him, just as Pastor and Rose daily depend on Him for their daily bread. For the past four months, the Lord has provided the money I need to pay my bill back home. Yet again as I was just looking at the balance in my account, I recognized that once again, I have to rely on Him for next month. And He has been faithful, so please continue praying for the funds to be provided. It is a test of faith for me, and I am so thankful for His provision this year. I am amazed each month how He continually provides all that I need!!
Just a quick update regarding our time in Africa...hopefully later I will have more internet time to provide more stories, but here is what we have been up to!!
After our work in Mozambique last month, we had our debrief with our coaches near Krueger National Park, where we were able to take a day safari!! Of the Big 5, we were able to see 4 - elephants, water buffalo, hippos, lion. It was quite exciting!! We also saw giraffes, impalas, and lots of other animals.
After Krueger, we went to Swaziland to help out with a short term missions trip that AIM had coming, which was January 30 - February 3.
My team along with another team and a few others then traveled to Malawi where we are currently ministering with an amazing pastor and his wife...
But first I must say a few things about our travel here...we were to travel from Swaziland on the 3rd, leave on a bus from Johannesburg, South Africa on the 4th and arrive in Malawi on the 5th.
After some unexpected circumstances and lots of hurdles, we finally determined that God was seeing how much we had learned over the last seven months...we ended up arriving in Malawi to our final destination at 9:30PM on the 7th!! And a few of my team and the others had their packs damaged with diesel fuel due to us having to transport fuel for travel through Zimbabwe. Thankfully mine was fine, but please be praying for the four or five that had some serious damage to their packs and gear.
Praise God we are here in Malawi!! We had our first day of ministry yesterday, and God showed up like He always does. We arrived at the house of a man who is a leader in the church, which my teammate had prayed for during church on Sunday. We learned that he and his wife were having some difficulties in their marriage. As we arrived at their house yesterday, our Pastor said that we would be doing “marriage counseling.” For five single girls, that can be a rather intimidating statement, especially when we really don’t know what is going on...but then some of my teammates had the audacity to tell Pastor that I am a counselor! And I confess I was sitting there sending not-so-nice looks to my teammates for pointing at me because I had no idea what to say or do...and then I heard the Lord say, “you are right! You can’t do this on your own. That is why I brought you here and into situations like this because you have to rely on me!!” And He began speaking to me about what He wanted to speak to them. As I was sitting there after speaking, I realized that this is another example of the church...coming around our brothers and sisters who are having difficulties, encouraging them, praying with them, listening to them, and just loving them. It was a beautiful moment for me to see how the Lord spoke Truth to them. Please be praying with us for the continued restoration of their relationship.
Thank you again for all your support and prayers!! I know that I haven’t written much lately, but know that I never go a day without a reminder of all the people praying for me and all the people supporting me in every way!! I am so blessed and thankful for everyone, so thank you!!
Next month, we will be back in Swaziland working at Carepoints, which are places where local children/orphans come to eat and have a safe place to spend their days. There is a story of one four year old girl who travels 4 miles one way to her Carepoint every day just to receive food. Please be praying for these children and for the grandmothers, “Go-Go’s” who care for the children.
My team was working in the "bush" of Mozambique this past month...
It was delightful!! We were tenting on a farm, with geese and ducks that would sometimes wake you up in the middle of the night with their squawking!! It was perfect...no electricity to distract us, an amazing cook that fed me beef three times in one day, sharing Jesus' story with churches that don't quite understand the Gospel, and loving people who are beautiful!! What more could you ask for!??? I loved this month because it was a life of simplicity and serenity out in the middle of nowhere with few distractions!!
The Lord really challenged me this month, breaking off a lot of fear and anxiety about the situations that I know I am unable to handle on my own...more about all this later as we have limited internet!
For all of you who have emailed me and sent me beautiful words about all your prayers, THANK YOU!! This month I could not have done it without you...the enemy was fighting mercilessly, but God is BIGGER!! So thanks for your prayers, and please know that I will try to reply to your emails as soon as I can.
I love you all and am so thankful for your support and prayers!!
And I must finish with a brief description of January 17...we traveled to the beach on a flatbed truck to a secluded beach that was beatufiul and breath-taking, had a steak and potatoes dinner back on the farm, played PIT (much to the chagrin of some of my teammates!! sorry!!), and had a beautiful day with my "family." It was wonderful, not anything I ever expected to experience on my 30th birthday, but oh so beautiful and perfect for me!! Jesus really loves me!!!!
Or at least we will be attempting to get there!! Let's see if it works this time!!
We leave today and will get into Johannesburg, South Africa tomorrow morning around 8AM.
Our squad is split into two areas this month...my team will be working with local contacts to enable in the church planting process outside of Maputo, Mozambique in "the bush!"
We will be tenting it for the next three months and will have limited internet access. Around January 25th, we will be heading to Krueger National Park in South Africa for a safari to which we will then head to Swaziland to assist with a short-term missions trip that AIM is conducting. Then in February and March, one month will be working with orphans in Swaziland and the other month will be working with more church planting endeavors in Malawi.
So, please be praying for our squad as we head back into the third world...it will be quite a culture shock again, as well as the weather changing drastically again!!
Thank you to all my friends, family for all your support and encouragement...this year would not have been possible without your prayers, so THANK YOU!!!!
(in the event that you haven't read the beginning and the middle, you will want to!)
I now have an understanding of what it means to be a new creation in Christ. Over the years while reading about it in all of Paul's writings, I was oblivious to the physical ramifications, much less the spirituality involved.
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun."
2 Corinthians 5:17
"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Galatians 2:20
The Lord has truly transformed me into a new creation, yet I continue to struggle with the things of old. In the Galatians verse above, I was reminded of my part in the process when Paul emphasizes that we must trust in the Lord.
I have to trust that the Lord has me in the shadow of His wings and is protecting me in order to combat the lies of the enemy and my flesh! And it has not been easy...yet I could never go back. Just like the new wine needs to be poured into new wineskins, I must fill my mind with His Truths about my identity and my body "so that both are preserved" (Matthew 9:17)
Then in Malawi, the Lord provided me the opportunity to put feet to my faith in Him and to walk into the freedom His love grants us. He spoke through me to bring freedom to the captives. He afforded me the opportunity to laugh in the face of my giants as I proclaimed His Truth about my fears. 
